January 6th (time running out)

Not sure where to start now. I spent New Years Day in Ho attending a 4 yr olds birthday party. Parties are serious sombre affairs here in Ghana with lots of rules and prayers...and plenty children sat obediently in rows. I also learned there are 4 verses to 'happy birthday'!! Not a lot of people know that. I'll teach you all when I get back.

I left Ho on the 2nd and headed for Kokrobite and the beach.  

When people get things right here, boy do they do it right. I have more pics to upload when I return. After being locked in a closet sized room in Ho, I am beyond content here and it only seems to get more relaxing and more beautiful every day.

I met my african american counterpart, the lovely miss Jennifer. Were we not different colours, you would believe us to be twins. Our lives to date are mirror versions of one anothers! 

I have done little at the beach but think about my time here and how soon it is ending and all I can think about now is that it is rapidly coming to an end. I'm not sure I can put into words how this feels. As I sit here now, my stomach is in knots, a lump in my throat and my eyes are stinging from fighting the tears that have been building for days. I cannot explain how I feel about Africa. It is the most maddening, confusing, frustrating place...it completes me and draws me back like a jealous lover. I know next time I come back, I must stay, no matter what because I cannot keep leaving. Every time I leave, I lose a piece of my soul and more of my heart breaks. I truly do not think I am strong enough to leave again. The idea of putting on my boots and voluntarily boarding a plane to take me away from here makes my feet turn to lead. I imagine I know how it feels to walk towards your executioner. All I can think of is the darkness and the loneliness awaiting me back in London. How did this happen? Too many people have told me I have an African spirit for me to doubt it. I don't just belong here, I am unable to function and fit in anywhere else. I want to scream " Don't make me leave". I envision being dragged kicking and screaming to the airport like a badly behaved child. I cannot believe this is not a bad dream. I do have to leave. It will be an unbearable amount of time before I see the ocean, a bright red sun and go to sleep listening to the waves crashing. Before I walk barefoot and eat with my fingers. I don't know how to stop writing aware that this could be my last entry, other than to upload photos next week. I hear a voice in my head already mocking me, calling me back before I have left. When I told the rastaman how I have such awful headaches in London all the time, he told me that wasn't stress..it was Africa shouting, calling me to come home.....I don't think the rastaman is ever wrong.

NEW YEARS DAY ( may contain ramblings)

No way to write the past few days without starting here and working backwards..and yes, there is ramblings and a plateful of shameless self pity coming your way.

I suspect there is nobody reading this who is not aware of my track record or really crappy, miserable New Years Eves. Well, I can honestly say last night was the WORST ever. Yes....worse than the one when my boyfriend dumped me, worse than the one when I went to Edinburgh and Hogmany was cancelled for the FIRST TIME EVER (!), worse than the year I spent the evening in casualty after I'd been hit in the eye and worse than Millenuim Eve when I spent the night sober, hungry and freezing next to the big wheel....and yes, Jo, if you're reading this, worse than the worst NYE party of all time.

So here I am in Ghana, where the sun always shines and I have more new friends than I can count and where I have only been alone when I'm asleep, and with the phoenix always crowded...I've shared rooms with more people than I can count so how come I spent last night alone in a dark room with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, no tv to watch, no food and no electricity??? I would explain how this came to be but I'm still trying to work it out. And, yes I was/am feeling very sorry for myself as I'm convinced that everyone else was out having a bloody good time and nobody else was 'sent to bed' at 8pm.

Ok...rant over. I am staying in the Volta region in Ho with the very wonderful Livinson Aqua-Jackson, the man I was introduced to by a fellow guest at the Phoenix. Beginning to believe there's something in this rastfarian 'one love' business.

I left Accra to get a bus here at 7 am on Thursday....the bus didn't leave Accra until 11am so it was a long journey but very worth it. Livinus used to work for the GAC and is a wealth of information about  HIV/AIDS here in Ghana. With his help, I feel my dissertation will just about write itself. The more important thing is what I can do to help him...which in reality is nothing because what Livinus needs is money and this trip has cost me so much, it'll be 2013 before I clear my overdraft and credit card but he is planning on making me his uk project cordinator and from there I can start writing proposals for funding, raising awareness and seeing if there is anything I can do.

I do however appear to be temporarily stranded here as things in Accra were getting stranger by the day. I was planning to go back to Accra for NYE and then stay with Sam for a few days. I may live here for 2 lifetimes and never get to grips with the fact that africans cannot communicate!!!!! even amongst themselves when they speak the same language. It is impossible to get any information which extends to more than ten seconds in the future. Let me illustrate with an example of the conversation I had with sam and how it would have gone with a non african person.

Non african version.:

me " Hi Sam, I'm hoping to be in Accra for NYE but I have nowhere to stay. the phoenix is full and planning another bashment night. Could I stay with you?"

 (non-african) Sam " Hi...I'm sorry. you could any other day, but I'm working until 11pm NYE and it'll take me 3 hours to get home."

how it actually happened:

me : " Sam, can I stay with you NYE?"

SAM " of course, you can stay whenever you like". 

me " Ok, great, thanks. I'll make plans with the girls and let you know what time I'll arrive>

 So, I made plans and hoped to go to a club with the girls...rumour had it there was a nightclub in Accra that DIDN'T play reggae!!! I told Livinus, I would leave saturday morning and head back to Accra. Saturday morning, I text Sam to ask if he's working and until what time so I can arrive in time to go back to cape coast with him. " I'm working from 3-11pm" he replies. AAAARGGHHH. Why? Why would he not have mentioned this before?? Not sure what  he expected me to do...spend NYE sitting in the internet cafe and then 'celebrate' on a tro tro stuck in traffic for 3 hours??

This is partly how I came to be stuck here. Plan B, was to head back today, stay with Sam tonight having spent the day at the Phoenix where they have traditional dancing and drumming and then to head back to Accra to meet Gilda for lunch on the 2nd. Simples....ah, nothing is simple in Africa. Gilda appears to have vanished off the face of the earth...and Sam has since taken it upon himself to announce he is in love with me and wants me to stay in Ghana with him.....I've known him less than a week (!) which means my staying with him is no longer an option.

Looks like I'm here another night as no room at the Phoenix and tomorrow, FINALLY, I'm off to the beach for my last few days.

HAPPY NEW YEAR