January 6th (time running out)

Not sure where to start now. I spent New Years Day in Ho attending a 4 yr olds birthday party. Parties are serious sombre affairs here in Ghana with lots of rules and prayers...and plenty children sat obediently in rows. I also learned there are 4 verses to 'happy birthday'!! Not a lot of people know that. I'll teach you all when I get back.

I left Ho on the 2nd and headed for Kokrobite and the beach.  

When people get things right here, boy do they do it right. I have more pics to upload when I return. After being locked in a closet sized room in Ho, I am beyond content here and it only seems to get more relaxing and more beautiful every day.

I met my african american counterpart, the lovely miss Jennifer. Were we not different colours, you would believe us to be twins. Our lives to date are mirror versions of one anothers! 

I have done little at the beach but think about my time here and how soon it is ending and all I can think about now is that it is rapidly coming to an end. I'm not sure I can put into words how this feels. As I sit here now, my stomach is in knots, a lump in my throat and my eyes are stinging from fighting the tears that have been building for days. I cannot explain how I feel about Africa. It is the most maddening, confusing, frustrating place...it completes me and draws me back like a jealous lover. I know next time I come back, I must stay, no matter what because I cannot keep leaving. Every time I leave, I lose a piece of my soul and more of my heart breaks. I truly do not think I am strong enough to leave again. The idea of putting on my boots and voluntarily boarding a plane to take me away from here makes my feet turn to lead. I imagine I know how it feels to walk towards your executioner. All I can think of is the darkness and the loneliness awaiting me back in London. How did this happen? Too many people have told me I have an African spirit for me to doubt it. I don't just belong here, I am unable to function and fit in anywhere else. I want to scream " Don't make me leave". I envision being dragged kicking and screaming to the airport like a badly behaved child. I cannot believe this is not a bad dream. I do have to leave. It will be an unbearable amount of time before I see the ocean, a bright red sun and go to sleep listening to the waves crashing. Before I walk barefoot and eat with my fingers. I don't know how to stop writing aware that this could be my last entry, other than to upload photos next week. I hear a voice in my head already mocking me, calling me back before I have left. When I told the rastaman how I have such awful headaches in London all the time, he told me that wasn't stress..it was Africa shouting, calling me to come home.....I don't think the rastaman is ever wrong.

NEW YEARS DAY ( may contain ramblings)

No way to write the past few days without starting here and working backwards..and yes, there is ramblings and a plateful of shameless self pity coming your way.

I suspect there is nobody reading this who is not aware of my track record or really crappy, miserable New Years Eves. Well, I can honestly say last night was the WORST ever. Yes....worse than the one when my boyfriend dumped me, worse than the one when I went to Edinburgh and Hogmany was cancelled for the FIRST TIME EVER (!), worse than the year I spent the evening in casualty after I'd been hit in the eye and worse than Millenuim Eve when I spent the night sober, hungry and freezing next to the big wheel....and yes, Jo, if you're reading this, worse than the worst NYE party of all time.

So here I am in Ghana, where the sun always shines and I have more new friends than I can count and where I have only been alone when I'm asleep, and with the phoenix always crowded...I've shared rooms with more people than I can count so how come I spent last night alone in a dark room with nothing to do, nobody to talk to, no tv to watch, no food and no electricity??? I would explain how this came to be but I'm still trying to work it out. And, yes I was/am feeling very sorry for myself as I'm convinced that everyone else was out having a bloody good time and nobody else was 'sent to bed' at 8pm.

Ok...rant over. I am staying in the Volta region in Ho with the very wonderful Livinson Aqua-Jackson, the man I was introduced to by a fellow guest at the Phoenix. Beginning to believe there's something in this rastfarian 'one love' business.

I left Accra to get a bus here at 7 am on Thursday....the bus didn't leave Accra until 11am so it was a long journey but very worth it. Livinus used to work for the GAC and is a wealth of information about  HIV/AIDS here in Ghana. With his help, I feel my dissertation will just about write itself. The more important thing is what I can do to help him...which in reality is nothing because what Livinus needs is money and this trip has cost me so much, it'll be 2013 before I clear my overdraft and credit card but he is planning on making me his uk project cordinator and from there I can start writing proposals for funding, raising awareness and seeing if there is anything I can do.

I do however appear to be temporarily stranded here as things in Accra were getting stranger by the day. I was planning to go back to Accra for NYE and then stay with Sam for a few days. I may live here for 2 lifetimes and never get to grips with the fact that africans cannot communicate!!!!! even amongst themselves when they speak the same language. It is impossible to get any information which extends to more than ten seconds in the future. Let me illustrate with an example of the conversation I had with sam and how it would have gone with a non african person.

Non african version.:

me " Hi Sam, I'm hoping to be in Accra for NYE but I have nowhere to stay. the phoenix is full and planning another bashment night. Could I stay with you?"

 (non-african) Sam " Hi...I'm sorry. you could any other day, but I'm working until 11pm NYE and it'll take me 3 hours to get home."

how it actually happened:

me : " Sam, can I stay with you NYE?"

SAM " of course, you can stay whenever you like". 

me " Ok, great, thanks. I'll make plans with the girls and let you know what time I'll arrive>

 So, I made plans and hoped to go to a club with the girls...rumour had it there was a nightclub in Accra that DIDN'T play reggae!!! I told Livinus, I would leave saturday morning and head back to Accra. Saturday morning, I text Sam to ask if he's working and until what time so I can arrive in time to go back to cape coast with him. " I'm working from 3-11pm" he replies. AAAARGGHHH. Why? Why would he not have mentioned this before?? Not sure what  he expected me to do...spend NYE sitting in the internet cafe and then 'celebrate' on a tro tro stuck in traffic for 3 hours??

This is partly how I came to be stuck here. Plan B, was to head back today, stay with Sam tonight having spent the day at the Phoenix where they have traditional dancing and drumming and then to head back to Accra to meet Gilda for lunch on the 2nd. Simples....ah, nothing is simple in Africa. Gilda appears to have vanished off the face of the earth...and Sam has since taken it upon himself to announce he is in love with me and wants me to stay in Ghana with him.....I've known him less than a week (!) which means my staying with him is no longer an option.

Looks like I'm here another night as no room at the Phoenix and tomorrow, FINALLY, I'm off to the beach for my last few days.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Dec 28th

Once again I am amazed at how quickly things change in Africa and how helpful people are. But I'm jumping ahead so let's rewind.

Samuel came to pick me up and take me to his house on Christmas night. As he works on the internet cafe behind the Phoenix, I assumed he lived close by ( I really should know better!). Turns out he lives miles away at Cape Coast which is lovely and close to the beach....a nice beach. He sometimes starts work at 7 am and tells me on those days he leaves around 4.30am to get to work!! Have I mentioned the traffic is crazy here?

Having had almost no sleep, I'm grateful to sink into a sofa and watch tv. Early the next morning we set off to Feta (pretty sure that's not how it's spelt) and spend the day chilling out. I learn that Sam's going away in February and thinking he means for a holiday, I flippantly suggest I look after his house.....he's actually going to live in the US for 5 years and says I can stay in his house for as long as I like when I come back!!!

Yesterday I came back to change TC's and head to Jamestown to see the HIV slum with Ratty...so much for plans. A lost charger means I can't speak to anyone and the banks are still closed. Ho Hum, C'est La Vie.

back at the Phoenix I get chatting to an american guy who knows somebody who used to work for the Ghana Health Commission and now runs an NGO for PLWHA 3 hours away. A phone call is made, and voila-I'm hoping to leave later to day to go and stay with him and see first hand what he is doing.

I'll keep you all posted.

And, Nix....loving every minute. Jelly tots.

Dec 27th (friends in high places!)

I seem to have missed Christmas, boo hoo. Quite literally this year and most definitely in my heart. While Ghanains celebrate in theory....nothing actually seemed to happen and I still heard nothing but non stop reggae!

Christmas Eve started well enough- Caesar and I went off to Oxford St (!) to the mall so I could buy cookies and sweets for the kids in the local village. AARGH. 10 pounds worth of treats for the bargain price of close to 40 in Ghana. Oh well-its christmas.

I stopped off to write to you all and the nice man at the vodafone store gave me free internet, then topped up my phone with free credit. Shucks, I think he likes me. Later that day, the girls arrive and having established that they also intend to complain to the volunteer agency we stop off at the internet cafe again so I can forward Emma all the emails I sent. We figure 3 of us making the same complaints has to account for something. They have at least worked most days....I'm still hoping.

As we're about to leave Sam asks for my number- everyone you meet in Ghana asks for your number (even the beggars) and as he's been so kind, I hand it over, wish him a happy christmas and leave.

Back at the Phoenix and it seems the evening is about to start and I naively expect it to be fun. I met Ayanbila who runs an NGO up north who tells me all about what he's doing and invites me to go and stay for a few days if I have time. He introduces me to his sister and the most gorgeous couple who have been volunteering with his charity for a month. They show me photos and can't say enough good things about Ayanbila and what he's doing. I soon realise his sister, Cynthia is sharing a room with the couple (how festive-no room at the inn) and invite her to share with me.

Then they crank up the sound system. OMG....WHAT IS THIS??? There are no words in any language to describe the noise level. It's like sitting next to the sound system at the 02 with a thrash metal band playing. I am in hell. My room is furthest from the system but it is 5am before my walls stop shaking and I get some sleep. I wake at 6.30 christmas morning, bad tempered and exhausted. All I can think about is that that night I'm due to sleep in the room NEXT to the sound system. I want to cry. No sleep, no christmas tree, no champagne...wtf?

The only way I can describe what follows in dialogue. It was a truly African day. I have told you all over and over how much I love Africa and I do but sometimes it is the most maddening, frustrating, confusing place on earth....and possible the loudest.

Let me rewind a little. Christmas eve with Caesar: 

C " Julie, would you like to go to the beach tomorrow?"

me; " Yep, but not Labadi cos its really crowded and noisy"

C " No, its horrible, I know a nice, really quiet beach that you can go to and lie in the sun.

Christmas morning. Sam rings " I'm going to Labadi beach- would you like to come?"

me' " No, but thank you. It's too noisy and I'm going somewhere with Caesar"

Ayinbilla " Are you going to Labadi?"

C and me " no- its too noisy"

Off we go for breakfast and a friend of a friend I've been trying to meet since I've arrived rings and asks if I'm going to Labadi. I say no, and as we get on the tro tro, I ask Caesar the name of the beach we are going to..."Labadi" he says " AAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh.

Ready to explode having now turned down two lifts. Half an hour later we get off the tro and start walking along the beach. Suddenly 2 men appear and ask me for money......for walking along the beach! I refuse and we double back and walk for MILES to get to the gate for Labadi where we pay a man on the gate to get in. Labadi beach is the only beach on earth which is STRESSFUL! I'm convinced somebody stole the sound system from the Phoenix and brought it to Labadi. My mood is not improved and all I can think of is the noise to come later that night. I get a text from Samuel wishing me a happy christmas and asking if there is anything he can do to make my christmas. In desperation, I text back that he could rescue me from the noise. He replies that he owns a 5 bed house on Cape Coast and I may stay as long as I like!!!! I wake Caesar and head back to the Phoenix to get ready. I ask Ayinbilla if he would like to stay in my room as I'm leaving and tell him, I just have to collect my bags before I leave. Samuel rings at 7.30 and says he's on his way to collect me so I ring Ayinbilla to see where he is with my keys. " I'm coming" he says and hangs up. Assuming he's the other side of the bar (its VERY dark)..I wait outside my room. Ten minutes later I ring and ask him where he is coming from " the airport'! AAAAAAARRRRGGHHH. Why? why would you leave and take my keys with you? Samuel arrives and we wait 2 hours for my keys to return. At this point I realise I could have given my room to Caesar who hasn't slept inside for almost 2 years!! I instruct Ayinbilla to hand the keys over to Caesar until I return to make sure he sleeps there.

There is more...but I'm out of time, need to **** and you'll have to wait!

Dec 23 (Home sweet home)

After 2 nights with my new host family, I knew I didn't want to stay anymore! Daniel (who's room I had obviously stolen) was in and out of 'his' room all night which involved lots of door slamming and lights being put on and off and I wasn't sure he wasn't trying to wake me up. I spent many hours hiding under my sheet pretending to be asleep. Although they kept repeating that I was welcome, their actions spoke much louder and suggested the opposite. Without my own room or a lounge, it was impossible to read or study and they insisted I spend my evenings sat outside the bar with them where they all drank vast amounts and shouted lots in twi. Not much fun and once a very drunken friend of theirs announced he had given up his job to spend his time talking to me ('talking' being his word for letching and breathing beer all over me), it was time to plan my escape.

Yesterday Jordan and Emma managed to escape the clutches of their host family long enough to come into Accra. I showed them the Phoenix, took them shopping and introduced them to my new rasta friends. They decided they would come back today and stay the weekend so not off to the beach after all.

I spoke to Phoenix about getting a room and sneaked out early this morning, telling Daniel I was leaving early for the beach to avoid traffic. You have to experience rush hour in Accra to believe it but it was a viable excuse and I have no plans to go back.

Since I last wrote, I have met with the wonderful Dr Kenu again. He is so incredibly generous with his time and knowledge I cannot thank him enough. He instructed me to read the latest National Strategy Plan from the GAC before returning next week so I can pinpoint, exactly what I want to investigate and he will place me in the right department.I asked, off the record why he had chosen to work in HIV/AIDS and he smiled the most beautiful smile and said when he started 8 years ago, nobody was interested in PLWHA but he is very attached to his patients and loves his job. I think the PLWHA in Accra are blessed to be under his care. I offered to send him anything I wrote about him or the Korle Bu before I published it here or wrote it in my dissertation and he insisted this was unnecessary.Given the problems they have had recently with volunteers who have not behaved appropriately, I feel honoured to have gained his trust in such a short time. Unfortunately my 3 weeks at the Korle Bu will be more like 3 days but it's out of my hands now. I tried to track down the NSP and found it was unavailable to the public. Another doctor rang me and said he could provide me with a copy. I suspect this is officially a leaked document and I am extremely lucky to have obtained it. What I have read has turned my dissertation topic on it's **** quite frankly but it's an intriguing document and if I jiggle my dissertation topic/ title, I think I'm on the home stretch.

I digress...I arrived back at the Phoenix just after 7 am and I feel so at home, I can now start to get ready for Christmas, Ghana style. The boys are arranging a beach party with drummers and dancers this evening 'for the empresses' ( this is Emma, Jordan and myself). A girl could get used to being treated like this!

Tomorrow, Hawa wants to take me to see her Grandmother who is also here in Accra but also has a house in London and tomorrow evening, I have been invited to a christmas party by a friend of a friend in London. As for Christmas day...anything could happen by then. This is Ghana after all. I'm already dreading leaving. I always knew I would return to Ghana but I never dreamt how hard it would be to leave. 

I have yet to tell you all about the main man 'Likle Joe'. The wisest most wonderful man you could wish to meet. I'm guessing Joe is in his 60s, possibly older. He is committed to his Rastafarian lifestyle, deeply proud of his African roots and culture and every time we speak, I feel I have learnt a lifetime of knowledge. My writing skills are far from adequate to relay Joe's teachings. Were he in the West, he would be a world famous philosopher and people would surely fill stadiums to listen to him. He paid me the biggest compliment I believe I have ever received when he told me how he was fed up of white people, their NGOS and governments coming here and telling African's how they should live and what they should do. That he doesn't believe anything they do is with an open heart but only to better their own economies; and then he said " But you, you are different. You have an African heart and you are welcome always." High praise indeed from such a man. When Joe calls me, I answer my phone and follow him like a lost puppy, awaiting his next lesson.

For now, there is only one thing left to say: HAPPY CHRISTMAS. I hope you are all as happy as I am and that you all have a wonderful christmas and a very happy New Year.

 Dec 20

What a great day!! I feel like I achieved something. Mooched around with Caesar in the morning and then got chatting to the quite wonderful Mr Ratty. We had a long chat about what I was doing here and got into the ways in which HIV is transmitted. He told me that there is a township close by called Jamestown where it is prolific and offered to take me there if I get time. Its running out fast :(

Ratty tells me people don't use condoms here because it spoils the sex. I tell him that's not the case but I  can see he's not convinced. We talk and laugh some more and I tell him he only has to have sex with one girl and he could get sick but if he uses condoms, he can have sex with as many as he likes. I suspect I'm going straight to hell for advocating promiscuity but I can see he liked the idea. He's still not convinced about it spoiling the experience so I ask if he'd like to ring my lover in England who will confirm it doesn't. I then pull a condom from my bag which has the words 'never go in without a skin' emblazoned across it and he laughs and says when he finds a girl he will use it!!!! Then he smiles and says he will think of me before realising what that means and laughs so more. So now I have sent the beautiful Mr Ratty off to explore the joys of safe sex and he says he will tell his friends if he doesn't mind the condoms.

 Dec 21st

Slowly, slowly, by the time I leave I should be able to start work! One step forward, 90 odd steps back. Yesterday the mysterious Franklin appeared and drove me to the Korle Bu to meet the doctor in charge of the HIV/AIDS unit. It soon became clear, he had no idea who Franklin was and was less than impressed with his recent conduct. Dr Kenu was also shocked to discover I had paid $700 dollars to volunteer with them. Not sure where my money went but none of it went to the hospital. Dr Kenu suggested I send him my dissertation proposal and come back today.

I was then taken to meet my new host family. After just four days at the Phoenix, I felt so at home that it's hard to leave and to relinquish some of my freedom. Bit of a shock- a very small house with one room to sit in, two bedrooms and a bathroom. Nowhere to cook. AARGH...missing the Phoenix food already. I did my washing and had just finished when Gilda called and invited me to lunch so I jumped in a taxi bound for Osu. Gilda lives in a beautiful flat opposite the Irish Pub! And, yes...it is green. We settle for coffee instead of over priced European food and go down the street to a local bar to eat before going back to hers to hang out. I manage not to cry when she says I should have gone to stay with her in her beautiful 3 bedroom flat, having just been moved to a host family.

It gets dark early here and the traffic is extreme so I left late afternoon and headed back to my new family. They own a liquor store (result!) but I'm on my best behaviour here so settle for a fanta and spend the evening chatting and trying to work out how many people I'm to share a room with. EEK. Relieved that I have a room to myself but more than a little guilty that everyone else has been shunted around to accommodate me.

Day 8 (? ) lost count 19th

Have I told you all yet how much I love Africa? I think there'll never be enough time to write why or to explain but this morning is a prime example. It is barely 3 hours since I was last writing and the world has changed again. Having left the internet cafe, I went to the bank to change my TCs. I'd been there maybe five minutes when a lady sat beside me and we started talking and I met my newest friend  and the lynchpin to a whole new network. The very gorgeous Gilda is an american professor who is here on holiday but works with refugees when she's at home in Washington DC. I explained what I'm doing here (or not doing here) and she was very enthusiastic and told me she has a friend who has a charity here which uses street theatre to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS in Ghana. Jackpot!!! This is exactly the sort of thing I'm here to explore. Gilda said she is meeting her friend for lunch tomorrow and invited me to join them. She then told me about a local man who calls himself the 'AIDS star' who is proudly and openly HIV positive and spends his time talking to anyone that wants to listen from what I understand and she can make sure I get to meet him.

Can you imagine this happening in London? I'd start a blog just to announce a stranger spoke to me.

I headed back to get some breakfast and asked Caesar to escort me to the Korle Bu to meet Sister Beque. The Korle Bu is enormous. Not much of an exaggeration to say it's almost the size of the town I grew up in. It took me about an hour to locate the correct building with the aid of a very patient security guard who I'm sure has better things to do with his time. I met Sister Beque and briefly explained my situation an she then introduced me to the administrator for the HIV/AIDS unit. I repeated my story and he listened patiently looking alternatively bemused and shocked. They seemed to share my view that Franklin is a mythical creature. More calls were made (on even to Franklin) and I met Doctor Patricia Nkansah-Asamoah who was extremely generous with her time and information. She explained that I would be unable to interview patients or anyone Living With HIV/AIDS (LWHA) without ethical clearance here in Ghana but she would be happy to meet with me another time ( if I have time as everyone is about to break for Christmas) and gave me her email address.

Progress!! Another call to another professor and the mud is clearing. It seems the Korle Bu had indeed stopped taking volunteers but the much aligned (mainly by me) Franklin has actually been doing something and I have now received official permission to work in the research unit starting tomorrow. And there's more!! They have found me a new host family closer to the hospital so no more expensive hotel bills...though I will be sad to say goodbye to the Phoenix but no longer have to worry about money and can afford to hit the beach at weekends. Priorities after all.

I rang Gilda to explain I couldn't make lunch tomorrow and she was very excited for me and promised we'll meet one evening or at the beach this weekend.

I'm in little doubt none of this would be happening if I hadn't stamped my feet and ruffled a few feathers but really looking forward to starting work tomorrow.

By the way, people....sign that anybody is reading this would be good...and feel free to comment ( good or bad). I'm taking loads of photos but as I can't install my camera on a public computer, won't be able to upload them until I get back.